Barry, the First Official Sponsor Zombie—The King of Slow Hustle

He didn’t win. He just waited until everyone else lost.

Planet Zee isn’t a place where fortunes are made—it’s a place where they erode so slowly you don’t notice until it’s too late. And Barry? Barry noticed. He sat back, watched investors burn out, bureaucrats drown in their own paperwork, and entire corporations age into irrelevance. He never took shortcuts, never made big moves. He just outlasted everyone. Now, he runs Brain Bean Coffee, a business where 99 out of 100 customers leave empty-handed and the 100th is just a little too grateful to ask why. With iSi Environmental’s backing, Barry has turned waiting itself into an economy—where patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s the only currency that matters. Barry doesn’t scam people. He doesn’t need to. He just lets them get tired enough to give up whatever he wants. His sharp suit? Older than the entire concept of business casual. His slow, deliberate handshake? A binding contract before you even realize you’ve signed something. Every stalled queue, every lost appeal, every delay feeds his empire—and by the time you figure it out? He’s already won.

The Friendly Robot Travel Agency suggests reading the fine print, checking the expiration date on your patience, and preparing to lose. Barry’s not cheating. He’s just better at waiting than you are.

Wishbone Cost: 

Rick’s Review:

"Tried to cut through the red tape. Bribed a guy to get to the front of the line. Ten minutes later, Barry had the bribe, I was somehow further back, and the guy I paid was now his assistant. Not even mad. Honestly, I respect it."

Rick’s Tee-Hee Rating: